Jason leaves tomorrow for Iraq and I've been trying to figure out what I will do when I come home and he is not there. It's always hard to come home and see all of his shirts, shoes, instruments, and whiskey and realize he won't be touching them for months. Which means I won't be touching him for months.
I think gardening is my answer. I can come home, throw my purse down, and get my hands in the dirt. It will keep me busy and all the sunshine will make tears seem silly. I've decided to plant some pansies because they are cheerful and there is so much I can do with them. They will give me something to nurture, and will cheer up my balcony and its empty window boxes. Pansies will clear away winter and remind me of the sweet things to come. Hopefully I will be able to wake up every morning, look at the pansies and know that I can get through Daddy's cancer, grandmommy's cancer, and Jason's deployment if I continue to appreciate the little things.
Once I plant them I can do things like: