It's been the kind of week that makes you turn to your core and try to make
decisions. I have so much running through my head. I've had extraordinary
moments, frustrating ones, sad ones, and ones that made me feel overwhelmed.
I've received advice, hate, love, and companionship. It's been the kind of week
that has caused me to take the morning to breathe and to think. It's had me
thinking, "What are my strengths?" "What are my weaknesses?" How do I
arrive where I want to be without compromising who I am at heart? How do I
best use the advice given to me? How do I make decisions in situations that are
in no way black or white? I want so much out of my life because I'm startlingly
aware of how short it truly can be. What is best for me isn't always what is best
for others. But after living twenty six years of comprimising myself over and over
again, how do I find the balance between taking care of myself and making others
happy? Is that possible? Is it possible for me to make everyone else happy without
ending up railroaded? How do I make sure that the next time I take a step out of
my comfort zone, that it doesn't backfire? I've always taken great care to be a sweet
person, a devoted person, and a giving person. The question here is this: If try to
take care of myself, to stand up for myself, to believe in myself does it make me
selfish? Does it make me some sort of monster? It's unknown territory for me
because I've spent life being absurdly aware of how I make people feel. I've
been called a people-pleaser. Can I be a people-pleaser and a Jolie-pleaser
at the same time? Was it simply time that I made some mistakes along the way?
So today I'm lying around in bed making pivotal decisions, about my career
and not just the path to take to get to where I want to be but how to get there
and who I will be along the way.